


Without You

by AstroAstroAstro



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Based on Headcanon, Beards (Facial Hair), Facial Hair, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Gay, Light Angst, M/M, Oral Sex, Smut, Tattoos, Werewolves, Wizards, Wolfsbane Potion, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-19
Updated: 2019-09-19
Packaged: 2020-11-02 09:20:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 2,834
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20697356
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AstroAstroAstro/pseuds/AstroAstroAstro
Summary: After the events of Prizoner of Azkaban, Remus and Sirius find refuge at 12 Grimmuald Place until the new about Sirus has died down. Sirius has to get used to Remus' developed case of lycanthropy





	1. New Moon

**Author's Note:**

> Explaining my headcanon:  
Wolfsban potion: If a werewolf has not taken the potion, they will be affected by the moon but will to change into their wolf form, the severity of this is based on the phase of the moon. 
> 
> Remus Lupin: Bitch is tall. That's it that's the whole headcanon
> 
> Sirius Black: compared to Remus, he's short. ^
> 
> Though I've about this fic for months but I would love if you would be critical as this makes no sense.  
I'm also just dumping all the chapters because fuck it, we need more wolfstar anyways.

I rested under the covers of my old bed, my eyes were trained onto my better half. It has been twelve years since I’ve been able to stay in the same room, let alone being as vulnerable as we used to be around eachother. It felt like an eternity not having him by my side, but what else could you do when you’re a prisoner of Azkaban and the Dementors eat away at your soul every time you go out of order. Without the memory of Remus, I don’t know what I would become, I would still be alive; I wouldn’t be me. 

“The bed’s getting cold, Moony,” I say to him. He was staring outside the window of the bedroom looking at the constellations in the night sky, it was a new moon so I wasn’t worried about him turning. 

“In due time, Padfoot,” Remus replied, his voice shallow, this worried me. I swing my legs off of the bed and stepped towards him, pulling the comforter off with me, wrapping it around my shoulders like a cape. 

“Is something the matter?” I asked, wrapping the comforter around his torso with my hands meeting each other, encapsulating the heat between us; his hand rested on top of mine. 

“Nothing is wrong,” he paused, “It’s just… this is my first month without Hogwarts’ facilities”.

“And why is that an issue?”.

“I do not have access to Wolfsbane potion, I’m not sure how I’ll be around you,” Remus sounded worried. I didn’t understand why he was nervous, he’s been a werewolf for the majority of his life; for him to be concerned with his condition is both confusing and alarming. 

“What do you mean?” I continue to pry. 

Remus let go of my hands and separated them, escaping my embrace. I watched him as he walked to the bed and sat down, he continued his gases outside the window with the occasional glance at me; he explained, “When a werewolf doesn't take Wolfsbane Potion, they feel the effect of the Moon - the severity depending on the current phase. Tonight is a new moon which is why I am normal - as normal as I can be,”. 

“And that’s bad how? I’ve seen you go full wolf, I should be fine,” I say, confident in supporting Remus and his condition, I sit next to him. 

Remus gave me a crooked smile “Sirius, we were children, we’re adults now, things change,” his voice slumped into timidness, “Especially me,”.  
“Hey, no need to beat yourself up about it! Whatever will happen, I’m sure we can work it out,” I grab onto his shoulders and pull him closer to myself to kiss his cheek. He blushed, put his hand to where I kissed and smiled; his smile now straightened out. 

“Ok, I believe you,” he replied. 

“That’s what I like to hear,” I smiled back at him. He picked his legs up off the floor and crawled to his side of the bed, he slid his body under the covers and rested his head on the pillow. I do the same and met him underneath, his body faced away from the window, which gave me the golden opportunity to spoon him; this was awkward to do considering our height difference, “Sweet dreams, Remus,”. 

“To you too, Sirius,” He replied. 

I wrapped my arm around his body, he held onto my hand when I found his. We stayed like this until we both agreed that is was becoming unbearably hot and separated; we then fell asleep shortly afterwards.


	2. Crescent Moon

I come into the bedroom with a towel wrapped around my waist, my hair dripping water and my body cold and wet from my bath. It has been too long since my last bath, it feels amazing to have these small luxuries back, with the bonus of having my highschool sweetheart (plus twelve years) by my side again. Remus was sitting in bed reading while I waddled in, as soon as he noticed me, he shut his book, I heard him say something under his breath. 

“What was that?” I ask him. 

“It was nothing, it’s just,” He pushed the covers off of his body and scooted himself to the end of the bed, where I was standing, he put his hands on my chest, he continued, “Your body, I’ve never seen it look like this,” 

“What do you mean?” I ask, I step away from the bed, causing Remus’ hands to slide of my body and opened the dresser on the opposite wall, pulling out a set of pyjamas. I had an idea of what Remus is talking about with my body, after Azkaban my body was covered by sticker-like tattoos now and I became more bone than muscle due to the diet and exercise - or lack thereof - at the prison. 

“It’s so different now, I somewhat enjoy it,” he responded.  
“So what, you didn’t like my old body? I remember you saying a lot about my body,” I joked, smug, leaning against the dresser, my body still wet. 

Remus looked away, bashful and blushing, “Well yes, but now, this new body is a different kind of good,” he looked back at me and swung his legs over the end of the bed. 

“Do you want to see more?” I ask, smirking, the devil in my intentions. Remus simply nodded. I turned around lowered my towel revealing both my ass and more tattoo along my legs. I started to dry my legs and body. 

“Oh wow,” I didn’t even need to turn around to see his infatuation.

“Like what you see?”.

“Most definitely,”. 

I then proceeded to slide on my pyjama pants, I teased him by pulling them up slowly over my legs, “Since you love my body so much, why don’t I sleep without a shirt tonight?”, I dry my hair and throw the towel on the floor before sitting next to him.

“I’m not opposed to that,” his eyes glaring at my chest again.

“Ehem, my eyes are up here,” I point to my face, his eyes crept their way to mine; guilty for staring. 

Staring into his eyes made me realise why I’m here in the first place, Remus is the greatest thing to happen in my life, he lights up my heart whenever I see or think about him. I couldn’t resist moving forward for a kiss, this was my first kiss ever since leaving Azkaban, it felt life-changing and breathtaking to feel his lips on mine again, they matched each other like a key to a lock, his mustache is a new feeling, as is my beard, but it didn’t matter. What mattered is that we have each other, regardless of whatever factor that may be posed in our lives, whether it is a false accusation or the Moon ; I am with the man I love and that is all I need.


	3. Half Moon

Throughout the week, Remus has been acting in a peculiar way. He seemed to be avoiding me, whenever I try to sit with him at breakfast or dinner he leaves the dining room. Whenever it is time to go to bed he always leaves the room to go God knows where in the house, I never know when he returns as I would already be asleep. I decided to confront him at the end of the week.

“Lumos,” the end of my wand lights up, I am now prepared to search for Remus.

I exit the bedroom in and began my search, going through the different rooms, checking each of them for any sign of him, but had no luck. When I was ready to give up, I could feel a warmth come from one of the rooms, I decided to investigate. Upon entering, I realised that it was the library, it’s fireplace was lit. Analysing the room, I saw Remus sitting on one of the armchairs, reading in the fire light in a dark bathrobe. He looked up at me and my wand.

“Sirius!” he exclaimed. 

I extinguished my wands light, stored it away, and walked myself into the library, “What are you doing in here?” I ask. 

He puts his book down, “The Moon has been affecting me greatly, I can feel it,” he held his head in his hands, “I can’t explain this feeling,”.

I sat in the chair opposite him, “Can you try to explain it?”.

“I don’t expect you to understand,” Remus mumbled.

“It’s ok,” I lean over to put my hand on his knee, he raised his head and our eyes met, “I want to know,” 

“To put it simply and to explain my avoidance, I can feel myself wanting to change, it is making me anxious that I will in some way hurt you. It’s distressing to feel this way when all I want to do is love you,” He explained, he put one of his hands on top of mine. 

“If there is anything I can do to help, please tell me,” I was trying to be reassuring as possible. 

“Can I kiss you?” Remus asked. 

“Of course,” I said smiling, this is what I’ve wanted for the past week, to be loved by him is all I could ever ask for.

Remus rose from his seat and came to me, he bent down and we kissed. As our kiss developed he lowered his body until he is kneeling next to me. He leaned into me forcing me to kiss him deeper while he put his hands on my body, feeling my chest. My hand do the same, making their way into his bathrobe, I could feel his skin; this is when I notice he was naked. I broke the kiss. 

“Why are you naked?” I question, “I’m not against it, just curious,”

“I want you Sirius,” Remus answered, being as direct as possible.

I was put off guard, I didn’t expect him to say something so forward, but I would be lying if I said I didn’t want him as well. Remus stood up and without saying a word, I tugged on the rope holding the robe together to reveal Remus’ naked body, this excited us both. I stand with him and we continue to kiss, my hand gravitated to his penis and rubbed it and making it more exciting, noticing his body’s reaction when I touched him brought me joy. When I was ready, Remus and I stopped kissing and I kneeled down, putting him in my mouth and continued to please him.

“Yes, Sirius, you’re amazing,” He moaned.

His moans of pleasure made me know I was doing a good job. He put his hands on the back of my head, pushing himself deeper down my throat, this was somewhat uncomfortable for me but I wanted to help relieve him.

“I’m going to cum,” he said breathlessly, he pulled himself out of my mouth, we locked eyes while he came on my face, “Thank you, Sirius,”. 

“You’re welcome,” I respond. 

“We should clean you up,” He said helping me up. 

We walked out of the library with Remus swishing his wand to extinguish the fire. I didn’t question why he didn’t ask to please me how I did - it was only fair - but I was happy to please him. But I still wanted to be pleased and felt a little bad about it, I understand that the moon is making him act like this.

But still.


	4. Gibbous Moon

After what we did in the library, Remus was still avoidant, some nights he wouldn’t even come to bed. The mystery of where he was in the house continued, but there was no point in wasting my time searching for him in the middle of the night and to seek him. I waited until the morning to confront him and what he’s doing. 

I come into the dinning room where Remus was eating his breakfast and drinking his tea. I sat next to him, miraculously he didn’t move. 

“Good morning,” I say. He didn’t respond. 

We sat in silence for a while, it was incredibly hurtful not getting an answer, not being recognised, I kept in mind about the Moon but this behaviour is unacceptable to me.

“Moony, what is wrong? Why aren’t you talking to me?” I asked. He continued to ignore me  
“I understand that the Moon is causing you to act like this, but I just want to be loved by you and I want to love you,” I put my hand onto his, he swiped his hand away and leaned away from me as if he was disgusted by me just touching him. I was utterly shocked and saddened me, “Why did you do that?”

“You know why,” he replied. 

“I know why but you shouldn’t act like this-”

“I can’t help it!” he snapped, making me flinch. 

All I could do was stare, frightened of what he was going to do to me, I could feel my eyes well with tears, “I only want to help,”. 

“Well, to be honest, you’re not,” 

“Remus, I-” I couldn’t finish my sentence, I started to cry, “What do you want me to do?”

“May I have my own space for a while?” he replied, spite in his tone. 

“You’re asking me to leave, I know it,” I stood up from the table, “Then leave I shall,”. Storming out of the dining room I go to the opening landing, Remus followed shortly after, I can tell that this is the real him and not his moonstruck self. I look at him then to the door, I opened it then transform into my animagus to run faster than I could as a human. 

“Padfoot!” he called out. I didn’t bother responding, I just kept on running until I had enough distance and a safe place to transform back. I never questioned my actions, Remus was becoming hard to handle, but I missed him for the days when I was out.


	5. Full Moon

I knew tonight was a full moon which made me think of Remus, I began to question myself and why I left, I missed Remus deeply and wanted to see him again to apologise and to comfort him while. I returned to Grimmauld Place and made my way back home, still transformed. When the door was ready to be accessible, I transformed back into being human and made my way through. Nothing seemed to change about the place so I continued to go though. I could hear voices coming from the dining room, one of them was Remus the other was a voice I wasn’t expecting, Severis Snape. 

I walk in, putting in on their conversation.  
“Sirius!” Remus called out, causing Snape to turn dramatically in his seat, Remus got up from his and rushed to me to hug me tight, as if to non verbally say to never leave. 

“What is going on, what is he doing here?” I question. 

“I think Lupin should answer that question,” Snape said. 

“He’s right,” Remus said, he let go of me, “I’ve been daft,” 

“But how?” 

“When you left, I was completely worried that I wanted to try and find you. So I decided to pack my things away and be ready to search for you, but while I was packing I found a bottle of Wolfsbane potion that I had taken when I left my position at Hogwarts. Instantly I drank it and decided that it was a bad idea to leave. I did the next best thing and sent an owl to Hogwarts requesting more Wolfsbane potion-” Remus explained but was then cut off by Snape.

“Which is where I come into this. Being as generous as possible, I decided to visit Lupin and deliver the last of my stock of Wolfsbane potion,” Snape looked at the table, four bottles of a blue potion sat on top of the surface. 

“And I couldn’t be more thankful,” Remus said, smiling to Snape, Snape rolled his eyes. 

“But what does this mean?” I ask.

“It means that I should be safe, for now, until I run out of potions,” Remus continued, “But I don’t have to worry as Severis and I have made somewhat of a deal,”.

“Basically, I’m your little potion mule and will deliver when they’re ready,” Snape explained, “And I know you’re going to ask if there is a catch, there isn’t, unless you want there to be one, then by all means, go ahead,” 

“I wasn’t going to ask anything, now get out of my house and leave the potions,” I say.

“Very well,” Snape said, he disapparated. 

Remus and I looked at eachother, he looked more lively and hopeful than ever. 

“I’m sorry for leaving,” I tell him. 

“I’m the one who should be sorry, what I did and said was unexceptable and I regretted every second of it. I wanted to stop myself but I couldn’t,” I could hear his regret. I kiss him, he kisses me back. This was all I ever wanted.


End file.
